k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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