it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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