dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
