I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
