Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
