Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
