dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
