I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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