I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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