Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
