I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
