I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
