My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
