I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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