My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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