Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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