it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
