oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
