it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
