Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
