Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
