I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I enjoy the company of your penis
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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