I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
