We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
