One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
