it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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