I could make wine with my vomit
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
