I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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