i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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