You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
