There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
