I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
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I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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