Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
