I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
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I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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