whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
