my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
