**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
