whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's blow job season.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
