I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
