Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
