Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
