Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
the liver wants what the liver wants
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
