Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
