I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Naked. naked and bneed help.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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