i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
