It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
