Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
