youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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