There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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