im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
