The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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