You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
