its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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