help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
