i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
