Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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