wakey wakey hands off snakey
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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