He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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