There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
