that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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