I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
only you would photoshop your dick
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
