just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
