your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
