So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
