I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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