i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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