yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
