Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
