filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
