Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
