You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
