I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
